Well that First Day Blew

 It was a very unsuccessful first day of WW yesterday.  I guess that was to be expected as it's learning a new system and not just stuffing my face every time I got the urge.  Hopefully today can be slightly better.  So many basic things I eat are so high in points that it's going to take a while to learn what I should be eating and how much of the food is actually required to feel full.  

I think it would also help if I was taking my meds consistently as then it helps me to feel not hungry.

Not much else to report today.  It looks like it's going to rain but I'm supposed to have a walking meeting in a couple hours so I'm hoping that it's going to either hold off or happen quickly.

Girls have set up the tent in the back yard and have been hanging out in there whenever they need a space to themselves.

Have a good day!

Well, I've Joined WW

 After a bit of a conversation with Hubs last night about what my goal weight and everything should be and what I'd be happy with, I decided that I needed to get off my butt and actually try to lose some weight and not hope that getting this surgery in 3 years is going to be a magic bullet that solves all my issues.  Hubs went to hockey and I decided to take matters into my own hands and joined Weight Watchers.  It's the first day so far and I'm hungry but as I snack I'm watching those points available for the day slip and while I know it's going to take a while to get used to eating better and well.....less, it's still demoralizing to eat a small snack of junk and have a quarter of my dailies disappear.  However, I figured that for the $10 a month it's costing me, I've spent way more on things that will give me less benefit.  It's going to be a challenge to get used to tracking everything and also to not eat my weight in snacks like I normally would but if I can maybe be consistent with my pills and this, there could be some benefits in the long run.

Fingers crossed.

Call with the Doctor

 I had my quick intro call with the doctor yesterday and it was good, if emotional.

He asked questions about why I'm looking to have this done and what was the trigger point for it, which were very difficult to answer without breaking down.  He explained a little about the surgery and the aftercare that they provide.  I'm sad that I didn't make it with the financing option so it's going to be a long slog to get this done but I'm still slightly hopeful that I can make it work at some point.  

I really want to do this, I need to do this to get on with life and I keep dreaming that it's done and how my life will be better.  I then remember that I can't afford to have the non-provincial option and break down but I'm not giving up hope.  There has got to be a way.

Almost There

 Well I finally received the call about the financing late yesterday afternoon.  While I was unable to get the full amount that I need to have, they did give me a good portion of it so that with the savings I have I only need a bit more to make this a reality.  It's going to take me a few months to save the rest up, which means that I can't book the surgery as soon as I'd like but the important thing I'm trying to remember is that it's going to happen and I can get there.  

I still feel a bit down that I have to wait longer than the April dates they are booking into right now.  It's hard to know that something good is possible but you have to wait for it.  I need to be disciplined and save as much as I can to make this happen quicker.  Maybe I'll be lucky and get a tax refund and that can help.  

 

A Waiting Game

 Well, I'm still waiting to hear if the funding I requested for the surgery will come through or not.  If it doesn't I'm stuck in a hard place where I want and love the option to get the surgery done privatly but I can't afford it and I either sell my car to pay for it or wait the three plus years to have the surgery done for free in my province on the healthcare plan.  I'm a little down today as I wait for this information because I feel that I will probably be denied and I had let myself have the glimmer of hope that things would work out and I could almost see the new me and that's slipping away.  Not much else to say about it, just waiting and waiting and hoping for the best.

Initial Phone Call

 Well I've had my initial phone call and it went better than expected.  I was so sure that they were going to be crazy expensive and that I wouldn't be able to justify the expense at all.  It turns out that they are slightly higher than the range of others but they still fall into something that I am comfortable with.  They answered my questions about pre-surgery and what that looks like, which is virtual appointments with the doctor, dietician, and anesthesiologist.  They said the recommended hotel to stay in and what your time there looks like, and we've booked a short call with the doctor to go over any further questions I may have and just to meet him for next week.  I'm optimistic about this and have my fingers crossed that everything will work out.

Upcoming Call

 Well, I've decided that while I'm on the never-ending waiting list (well three years at this point) that I will investigate going the paid route for bariatric surgery.  There is a place in Toronto that is highly touted as being good and I've got a call with them on Tuesday to ask some questions and see what the cost is as they don't list it on the site.  That alone should be enough of a red flag that I probably can't afford it, but I'm willing to check it out and see what they offer.  You can go to Mexico to have this done and I was chatting with an acquaintance about her experience going that route.  I was interested in it right up until I was on the site and within five minutes of searching their documentation I found two grammatical errors.  If you can't have someone who speaks the language of the people you are attempting to cater to to double check your website for errors, I'm not going to trust you to cut me open and remove body parts.  

I'm not sure what to expect from this one I've got the call with but it's something to pursue and at least check out.  They have their own financing available if that's what it comes to and they are able to do the surgery in 4-6 weeks so that's way better than 3 years.

Fingers crossed it's not stupid expensive, I'm expecting about $18,000.00 as that's the rate for the other paid site I've looked at briefly so I'm not going to fall out of my chair if that's what it comes to.

Talk later!

Week of January 23rd

 Not too much happening today, kids are off school so I'm trying to balance working and being in meetings with requests and yelling of issues between children.  

I spent some time last night reading a gastric sleeve cookbook.  They are just something I'm doing to prepare for the time when it will be a requirement and also they give good information about what to expect before, during, and after the surgery.  I do like that they mention to go easy on yourself, not compare your journey and weight loss to others, and that you need to find support, whether that is from your family or others to keep you on the path.  This specific one also detailed not rushing out to buy a new wardrobe immediately as your lifestyle may change as well and you might need more exercise clothes than you expect or maybe you take up another sport and need things for that.  I can see how suddenly (what would seem sudden at least) you lose a significant amount of weight and want to show that off but that may not be where you stay or what you need at that time.  I'm also looking at these books to see if once things are more settled after the surgery there are recipes that work for the whole family so I don't have to cook twice forever.  

Wednesday was a pretty plain day.  I have a cold so I'm wanting to sleep more but of course I have work so that doesn't happen.  I got the cold because Bear wanted to go to Rucker's for her birthday and of course the kids touched all the things and then touched me and here we are.  Bug has a bit of a cold as well so she's coughing in the night.  Poor thing.  I read another cookbook and it was horrible.  There were spelling and grammar mistakes, almost as if it had been translated from another language and poorly done at that.  I'm still deciding if I should leave a poor review on Amazon or just don't bother.

Maybe This Time I'll Stick Around

 It's been a while since I've posted as there is really nothing in my life that is too exciting and I wasn't finding the time to get into here.  I've decided to start up again and while not much has changed I'm wanting to try.

Today is Bear's birthday and I'm happy and sad all at once.  She's such a great little girl but she's growing up so quickly and I'm trying to remember to enjoy the time with her and make time to be with her when she asks.  She was very excited this morning and left for school in a great mood.  Her and Bug even managed to not get into a screaming match before leaving, which is always a good thing.  

Some news that I plan to write about in the future as well is the fact that I've asked to be referred to the Bariatric Surgery program here in the province.  There is quite a waiting list but I'm so tired of being fat and trying things that don't work or stick that I've decided that drastic measures are needed.  I have to say though that my doctor wasn't very supportive of the decision and only grudgingly agreed to send the referral.  He also then couldn't get me out of the office fast enough after that so I feel bad that I've let him down but I also feel somewhat upset that he hasn't made any recommendations for getting me into better health either, just upping my blood pressure pill dose and sending me on my way.  I'm a little scared of all the changes that will be required but I think I'm in a place where I'm ready for this.  I want the person I see in the mirror to reflect the person that everyone else sees and right now they are not the same.  There are a lot of steps beforehand with the program that have to be followed and completed or they kick you out so dedication is definitely required.  I'll keep posting as things develop with that.

Hope you all have a great weekend!!