We have gone from 30 degree days for most of the week to being only a high of 22 today. We also have smoke that has rolled in from the Alberta fires and it makes for a rather gloomy day. I am also allergic to smoke so my nose has been plugged and I keep sneezing. Hopefully it will be a little windy and blow this all away soon.
Tonight the girls have swimming lessons. Bug is also excited because it is pizza lunch day at school and they are selling freezies. Very fun day to be had.
Not much else is really going on here. Can't think of what to say so I guess that's all for now.
Have a great weekend everyone.
Friday, May 31, 2019
Thursday, May 30, 2019
Normal Thursday
I don't know that there is anything going on today.
It's my bosses birthday but she has requested I forgo the usual and not make a big deal out of it. SO I haven't. I was going to take her for lunch but she has a meeting so I can' t do that even. I feel bad and that I should have made more of an effort. I think she secretly likes it.
I had an appointment with the shrink today. As usual it was very quick. He refills my prescriptions and books me another appointment and I'm on my way. I'm not sure if this is normal behavior. I guess I expected it to be more like the movies where you talk and analyze and that's not him. I didn't have the heart to tell him I've been off my pills lately because I can't be bothered to take them. I really should get myself back to being stable again. Maybe it would make me less stressed.
No activities tonight. We will just enjoy the sunshine and maybe run through the sprinkler.
It's my bosses birthday but she has requested I forgo the usual and not make a big deal out of it. SO I haven't. I was going to take her for lunch but she has a meeting so I can' t do that even. I feel bad and that I should have made more of an effort. I think she secretly likes it.
I had an appointment with the shrink today. As usual it was very quick. He refills my prescriptions and books me another appointment and I'm on my way. I'm not sure if this is normal behavior. I guess I expected it to be more like the movies where you talk and analyze and that's not him. I didn't have the heart to tell him I've been off my pills lately because I can't be bothered to take them. I really should get myself back to being stable again. Maybe it would make me less stressed.
No activities tonight. We will just enjoy the sunshine and maybe run through the sprinkler.
Wednesday, May 29, 2019
Middle Of The Week
Finally today is a free evening to not have to rush about and get things done. We've had soccer for two nights and we missed Bug's practice because I forgot about it. There are so many things going on in school as it winds down that I can't remember everything. My coping skills are fading.
Bug has had a cough for four days now. It's horrible and she keeps bringing up mucus and can't sleep and eventually asks for me to lay with her. I do but then I get little sleep and now I have a cold as well and am tired. My knee is still bothering me and I haven't heard back from the doctor about the results of my ultrasound. Going down stairs is almost impossible at this point and I end up close to tears from the pain. I hope they can give me some type of a diagnosis so there is a plan forward.
Hubs has been working hard at training. There are lots of little steps that are needed for safety reasons that have to be memorized and that is the part he has been studying at home for the last few nights.
Work has been still been causing me stress. I am feeling discouraged and let down and am not in the right frame of mind to be joyful about things right now. I feel that I have too much work and cannot get myself to do what needs to happen around what is being thrown at me daily. It has been a grind since I came back to work after my surgery and it hasn't stopped.
I'm sorry for being so negative but I have little to be happy about right now.
Bug has had a cough for four days now. It's horrible and she keeps bringing up mucus and can't sleep and eventually asks for me to lay with her. I do but then I get little sleep and now I have a cold as well and am tired. My knee is still bothering me and I haven't heard back from the doctor about the results of my ultrasound. Going down stairs is almost impossible at this point and I end up close to tears from the pain. I hope they can give me some type of a diagnosis so there is a plan forward.
Hubs has been working hard at training. There are lots of little steps that are needed for safety reasons that have to be memorized and that is the part he has been studying at home for the last few nights.
Work has been still been causing me stress. I am feeling discouraged and let down and am not in the right frame of mind to be joyful about things right now. I feel that I have too much work and cannot get myself to do what needs to happen around what is being thrown at me daily. It has been a grind since I came back to work after my surgery and it hasn't stopped.
I'm sorry for being so negative but I have little to be happy about right now.
Monday, May 27, 2019
Pain in the.......Knee
My knee hurts!
I have done nothing to it but it's hurting anyways. It has been sore since Wednesday of last week and I finally gave in yesterday and went to the Medi-Clinic. After a long wait during which I read an entire book, I got into see the doctor. He sent me for X-Rays but they came back fine. I am off later this morning to get an ultrasound done to see if there is some soft tissue damage that has occurred. Hopefully they can see something because if we have a fire at work I'm going to be waving from the window at the fireman to rescue me. Stairs are just not an option. I can hobble up or down one or two but many requires a very slow pace and some choice words.
Hubs started his training for his new job today. I am sure it's going fine. He's a quick learner. I'm glad he has found something at least to start with and even if we continue to look for other things at least it's work and he can stress a little less.
Bear has soccer again tonight. She originally wasn't impressed that it was so close together from her last game but seems to be over that. She came and snuggled me in bed last night, which was nice. She is a little furnace though, holy crap. You don't need covers if you sleep with her beside you.
Bug has a bit of a cough but hopefully we are on the downward swing of that. She was feeling pretty bad on Saturday but yesterday was okay and this morning there was lots of coughing but less of the phlegm.
Work is getting to me and I'll be happy to get through this week without losing my mind. I just have to remember that it's not my circus and I didn't train the monkeys. That should be easy, right??
Have a good day!!
I have done nothing to it but it's hurting anyways. It has been sore since Wednesday of last week and I finally gave in yesterday and went to the Medi-Clinic. After a long wait during which I read an entire book, I got into see the doctor. He sent me for X-Rays but they came back fine. I am off later this morning to get an ultrasound done to see if there is some soft tissue damage that has occurred. Hopefully they can see something because if we have a fire at work I'm going to be waving from the window at the fireman to rescue me. Stairs are just not an option. I can hobble up or down one or two but many requires a very slow pace and some choice words.
Hubs started his training for his new job today. I am sure it's going fine. He's a quick learner. I'm glad he has found something at least to start with and even if we continue to look for other things at least it's work and he can stress a little less.
Bear has soccer again tonight. She originally wasn't impressed that it was so close together from her last game but seems to be over that. She came and snuggled me in bed last night, which was nice. She is a little furnace though, holy crap. You don't need covers if you sleep with her beside you.
Bug has a bit of a cough but hopefully we are on the downward swing of that. She was feeling pretty bad on Saturday but yesterday was okay and this morning there was lots of coughing but less of the phlegm.
Work is getting to me and I'll be happy to get through this week without losing my mind. I just have to remember that it's not my circus and I didn't train the monkeys. That should be easy, right??
Have a good day!!
Friday, May 24, 2019
Blowing Up
Things were not pretty this morning. I got upset at Hubs and he blew back at me and it was just unpleasant all around. He's down in the dumps and I get that but not everything is the end of the world. I'm just frustrated with his attitude and that he doesn't seem to think any of this is affecting me. He has no idea and I can't tell him because he just makes it all about him. It might be a long weekend.
Today is a busy day. Bug was off on a filed trip with Grandma for school. We have swimming lessons after supper and then Bear has soccer right after. It's a two cars going in separate places kind of day.
Work is going okay but there is a bunch of little things that are needing to happen or that keep coming up and that is keeping me on my toes. I thought that with the move to the new desk location I would actually take my breaks since I'm just down the hall from the break room but in the month-ish I've been here I haven't set foot in it once.
Not much else to talk about really today.
Today is a busy day. Bug was off on a filed trip with Grandma for school. We have swimming lessons after supper and then Bear has soccer right after. It's a two cars going in separate places kind of day.
Work is going okay but there is a bunch of little things that are needing to happen or that keep coming up and that is keeping me on my toes. I thought that with the move to the new desk location I would actually take my breaks since I'm just down the hall from the break room but in the month-ish I've been here I haven't set foot in it once.
Not much else to talk about really today.
Thursday, May 23, 2019
I'm Stressed
I've reached a point in the last few days where I am getting ready to break. I have so much stress coming at me from all angles of life that I don't know what to do. My insomnia ha returned and once I wake up in the night my brain turns on and I'm up for hours. I'm also eating my feelings so any hope of losing weight has gone out the window.
Work is getting me worked up because we are fast closing in on our deadline for a project and no one has any answers to questions. It also seems like there is not a definite plan as to how things are going to happen and that doesn't work for me. I like things in neat little rows, with defined edges and a way through from beginning to end. That is not how everyone else is rolling on this project I guess. I'm becoming very short with people and have no patience for anyone who decides to try to prove a point I know is incorrect. It might be a long two months.
Home has me upset because while Hubs has found part time work he'll still need to get something else to cover the rest of the bills that he pays each month. He's had no call backs from any of the other resumes he's sent out and is beginning to get very down about life. Add to that his continuing hip pain and he's not in the greatest of moods most of the time. I am being very supportive of all his endevours but when confronted with so much negativity it's hard to keep a chipper face on.
Thankfully tonight is another evening with nothing going on so we can maybe relax and get through some of our DVR'd shows. Maybe even better Hubs will get a call about a job and we can all get back to normal and stop worrying about things.
Here's hoping.
Work is getting me worked up because we are fast closing in on our deadline for a project and no one has any answers to questions. It also seems like there is not a definite plan as to how things are going to happen and that doesn't work for me. I like things in neat little rows, with defined edges and a way through from beginning to end. That is not how everyone else is rolling on this project I guess. I'm becoming very short with people and have no patience for anyone who decides to try to prove a point I know is incorrect. It might be a long two months.
Home has me upset because while Hubs has found part time work he'll still need to get something else to cover the rest of the bills that he pays each month. He's had no call backs from any of the other resumes he's sent out and is beginning to get very down about life. Add to that his continuing hip pain and he's not in the greatest of moods most of the time. I am being very supportive of all his endevours but when confronted with so much negativity it's hard to keep a chipper face on.
Thankfully tonight is another evening with nothing going on so we can maybe relax and get through some of our DVR'd shows. Maybe even better Hubs will get a call about a job and we can all get back to normal and stop worrying about things.
Here's hoping.
Tuesday, May 21, 2019
Back To Work
Well it's Tuesday and that means back to work after the long weekend here.
We spent part of Saturday out looking for treasures at garage sales. The girls found a few things, I came away with only one book. It's a giant coffee table book from the 80's on the Royal Family. I think it's a great find, Hubs couldn't believe I bought it. :)
On Sunday I got groceries with Bear and then Bug had a birthday party for the whole afternoon. She was quite tired once she got home because they had spent almost the whole time on the trampoline and while there was food there, she barely ate any of it. Having too much fun to pause for anything.
Monday was a fairly lazy day. I should have done lots of things but lazed about watching Amazon Prime for the morning while the rest of the family went to watch the Roughriders Practice. I then spent part of the afternoon planting flowers in the beds in the front yard. Still need to plant the back beds and the garden but at least the walk up looks pretty.
I didn't sleep well last night, having my brain turn on at 3:30 this morning and not having much luck falling back asleep quickly. I think I'm going to be a bit grumpy and that's never a good thing.
Bug has soccer tonight, thankfully at 6pm so she won't be super tired afterwards. I think that is all for the plans of the day besides making it through work.
Have a good one!
We spent part of Saturday out looking for treasures at garage sales. The girls found a few things, I came away with only one book. It's a giant coffee table book from the 80's on the Royal Family. I think it's a great find, Hubs couldn't believe I bought it. :)
On Sunday I got groceries with Bear and then Bug had a birthday party for the whole afternoon. She was quite tired once she got home because they had spent almost the whole time on the trampoline and while there was food there, she barely ate any of it. Having too much fun to pause for anything.
Monday was a fairly lazy day. I should have done lots of things but lazed about watching Amazon Prime for the morning while the rest of the family went to watch the Roughriders Practice. I then spent part of the afternoon planting flowers in the beds in the front yard. Still need to plant the back beds and the garden but at least the walk up looks pretty.
I didn't sleep well last night, having my brain turn on at 3:30 this morning and not having much luck falling back asleep quickly. I think I'm going to be a bit grumpy and that's never a good thing.
Bug has soccer tonight, thankfully at 6pm so she won't be super tired afterwards. I think that is all for the plans of the day besides making it through work.
Have a good one!
Friday, May 17, 2019
A Busy Few Days
I've had no time for anything the last three days. I was in a group training put on by my office to help me do my job. I've been in the position I am for just over two years and this training explained what I'm supposed to be doing. It would have been nice to get it earlier but it was helpful in explaining how to do certain things that I should know how to do. Now I just need to clear the backlog of emails and jobs I should have been doing for those days. It's going to be a tough day since it's also a long weekend here coming up so I just want to relax and not think about actual work at all.
We have no plans for this weekend. We'll hang out at home and maybe do some yard work. I have to get groceries one day. That's really about it. Maybe we can convince the kids to actually sleep in a little and not get up at 6:30 one day. They are off school today and it didn't work this morning but there is always hope.
Hubs is still looking for a new job. It's been a week since he quit so it's still quite new but I know one of the resumes he's putting out will catch someones eye. It's pretty tough on him to be going through this but he's got lots out there so far and is continually submitting more. It'll happen in time.
Well back to work for me I guess. Here's hoping everyone has a great day!
We have no plans for this weekend. We'll hang out at home and maybe do some yard work. I have to get groceries one day. That's really about it. Maybe we can convince the kids to actually sleep in a little and not get up at 6:30 one day. They are off school today and it didn't work this morning but there is always hope.
Hubs is still looking for a new job. It's been a week since he quit so it's still quite new but I know one of the resumes he's putting out will catch someones eye. It's pretty tough on him to be going through this but he's got lots out there so far and is continually submitting more. It'll happen in time.
Well back to work for me I guess. Here's hoping everyone has a great day!
Friday, May 10, 2019
I saw THE movie
Last night a friend and I went and saw Avengers:Endgame. It was her third time seeing it and my first. I really enjoyed it and there was lots of flipping between emotions. There were some amazing fight scenes and then it would switch to a crazy hear-wrenching moment that left me with tears streaming down my face. This is not actually too surprising since I tend to cry at some point in every movie but it was a movie that made you have all the feels.
The girls have swimming lessons tonight. I had worked late last Friday and missed them so I will probably go and watch them tonight. Bear refuses to put her face in the water so that makes for an interesting class. Bug loves it and would happily stay in the water all day. It's taken her a few tries in the level she's at to reach some of the distance swims required but I think she'll pass it this time.
It has been a very stressful week. Beyond all the issues at work with getting a project back on track there are some home issues rearing up as well. Needless to say I'm barely keeping my head up and really want to have a few days where I have nothing to worry about. I don't see that happening for at least a few weeks though so I may have to take up drinking or something to get through it.
Hope all is well in your world.
The girls have swimming lessons tonight. I had worked late last Friday and missed them so I will probably go and watch them tonight. Bear refuses to put her face in the water so that makes for an interesting class. Bug loves it and would happily stay in the water all day. It's taken her a few tries in the level she's at to reach some of the distance swims required but I think she'll pass it this time.
It has been a very stressful week. Beyond all the issues at work with getting a project back on track there are some home issues rearing up as well. Needless to say I'm barely keeping my head up and really want to have a few days where I have nothing to worry about. I don't see that happening for at least a few weeks though so I may have to take up drinking or something to get through it.
Hope all is well in your world.
Wednesday, May 8, 2019
Street Sweeping Adventures
This morning started off with me running outside in my bare feet to move my car. They are sweeping my street to day to remove the buildup of gravel from the winter and you are supposed to be off the street by 7am. I didn't expect them to be prompt and since I leave for work at 7:30 I thought I would be okay. Turns out they were ticketing cars right from 7. I managed to get myself off the street and onto the lawn before that happened and then just left for work early. Excitement all around.
Bug's soccer game went well last night. It was her first time playing ever and she managed to do well and even got a goal. She was very proud of herself. I on the other hand was freezing the whole game. The sun was going down and the wind came up and it was not the most pleasant time to be sitting outdoors for an hour. Hopefully by next week the weather will have smartened up and we can enjoy being outdoors.
I'm utterly exhausted. I have been getting enough sleep but there is just so much added stress in my life right now that I'm at a heightened state and don't relax. Add in little things that happen in everyday life and it's getting to be too much. At least I have plans for a few fun things in the next few days that will take my mind off.
Tuesday, May 7, 2019
Soccer Again
We had Bear's first soccer game of the outdoor season yesterday evening. It was good with lots of entertainment from small children falling over. Repeatedly. It did get a little chilly by the end of it as May hasn't come in very warm yet. Today we have Bug's first game and it's at an even later start time so I'll be bringing the blankets to stay warm on the sidelines. As far as I know she doesn't have a coach yet so that's not so good but the game is going on regardless.
I'm still stressing about work. It's going to be a long week of getting things to where they need to be and I'm feeling like the lynch pin in the center holding it all together. Part of that is just my own pressure because this project is my baby and some of it is real. I don't feel that I personally got much accomplished yesterday but the team did and there is clear movement forward.
I am still struggling with the snacking in the evenings. Yesterday I didn't have a chance to eat supper as I worked and then we had to get ready to go to soccer right away after I got home. As a result of that I had a Slurpee and then binged on crap from the cupboards in the evening. Cue the purge that follows that and there we sit for the evening. If I could just cut that out I would be on my way to being successful I think.
It's supposed to be a beautiful day here today so I'm hoping to at least step outside and enjoy it briefly.
Have a good one!
I'm still stressing about work. It's going to be a long week of getting things to where they need to be and I'm feeling like the lynch pin in the center holding it all together. Part of that is just my own pressure because this project is my baby and some of it is real. I don't feel that I personally got much accomplished yesterday but the team did and there is clear movement forward.
I am still struggling with the snacking in the evenings. Yesterday I didn't have a chance to eat supper as I worked and then we had to get ready to go to soccer right away after I got home. As a result of that I had a Slurpee and then binged on crap from the cupboards in the evening. Cue the purge that follows that and there we sit for the evening. If I could just cut that out I would be on my way to being successful I think.
It's supposed to be a beautiful day here today so I'm hoping to at least step outside and enjoy it briefly.
Have a good one!
Monday, May 6, 2019
Struggling
It wasn't really a great weekend at all on the diet front. I was feeling very down about myself and ended up in a rather lengthy binge/purge session. Which makes me feel worse and just becomes a big black hole of self pity and loathing. I have been a purger for so many years now that it is an almost impossible habit to break. I think I started when I was 16 so I've been at it on and off for 23 years.
Beyond the giant fail in that way, the weekend was just okay. I was in a miserable mood for most of it and just wanted to be left alone. That is not something that is possible when you have a family so I just spent lots of time being very quiet. We did manage to have some fun all together so that was nice. We went to Value Village to drop off a bunch of boxes of things we no longer need or want in the house. We managed to come home with only a few books and some work clothes for me so that was nice too. We then all went as a family to get groceries. This is never a good plan as the Hubs adds many things to the basket that are not on the list and blows the budget.
I have been feeling very stressed out at work to top it all off. We have a tight schedule for this project we are working on and it's getting close to not working out. There is plenty of pressure from the higher ups to make it work out and I take plenty of that onto myself as this is my pet project. I know I cannot be responsible for the whole thing but I feel that it's on my shoulders and it's working me up.
Top all of that off with Hubs job unhappiness and resulting search for new work and I am just a ball of nerves.
Tonight we have soccer for Bear and she is very excited. Hopefully we can find the field without too much hassle. It's a new one for us and should be near our house but I have never been there before.
Beyond the giant fail in that way, the weekend was just okay. I was in a miserable mood for most of it and just wanted to be left alone. That is not something that is possible when you have a family so I just spent lots of time being very quiet. We did manage to have some fun all together so that was nice. We went to Value Village to drop off a bunch of boxes of things we no longer need or want in the house. We managed to come home with only a few books and some work clothes for me so that was nice too. We then all went as a family to get groceries. This is never a good plan as the Hubs adds many things to the basket that are not on the list and blows the budget.
I have been feeling very stressed out at work to top it all off. We have a tight schedule for this project we are working on and it's getting close to not working out. There is plenty of pressure from the higher ups to make it work out and I take plenty of that onto myself as this is my pet project. I know I cannot be responsible for the whole thing but I feel that it's on my shoulders and it's working me up.
Top all of that off with Hubs job unhappiness and resulting search for new work and I am just a ball of nerves.
Tonight we have soccer for Bear and she is very excited. Hopefully we can find the field without too much hassle. It's a new one for us and should be near our house but I have never been there before.
Thursday, May 2, 2019
It Wasn't A Great Night
So I basically failed on the first day of my eating plan. I had managed to stay under calorie budget right up until the time the Hubs asked if I wanted to have a Salted Caramel Cake. I should have said no but I was hungry and had had a long evening with some issues at the post office and I gave in. So needless to say I ended up over budget. I'm going to try again today but I've started badly so we'll see how close we can keep it. The problem is that I'm not at the stage where I'm feeling less hungry yet (it has only been one day) so I want to eat all the things. I did do really well with not snacking yesterday thought until the cake.
In other news, I had to switch desks at work. They are exactly the same size and layout but on a different floor. So far it's very quiet up here and I'm not sure if I like it. The good part is that I'm finally on the floor with the break room so I might actually start taking them. I have a tendency to just work right through and not bother with the hassle.
The girls are supposed to start soccer net week and we haven't received a schedule yet. This doesn't bode well for the season. It is a short one of only two months but it's all outside and the weather hasn't realized it's Spring here yet. Hopefully this gets sorted out quickly.
Have a good one!
Wednesday, May 1, 2019
It 's the Beginning
Today I have started the first day of my weight loss journey for the millionth time. I'm hoping this is the time that I can make it happen though. I'm at a point where I don't even look at myself below the neck and I hate it. I forgot to weigh myself this morning but the last time I did I was 274lbs. That number is just too high. There are beginning to be to many things I can't do easily like run with the girls or climb many stairs and it's scary. The girls will also say things like "Why are you so big Mommy?" and they don't realize how much that hurts. They don't mean to make me upset but they do.
I've decided to just control what goes into my mouth as a start and then I plan to add some exercise in later. I'm using the Lose It! app to track my food and calories. I'm hoping that the pain of having to enter items will keep me from snacking and eating just because.
Wish me luck!
I've decided to just control what goes into my mouth as a start and then I plan to add some exercise in later. I'm using the Lose It! app to track my food and calories. I'm hoping that the pain of having to enter items will keep me from snacking and eating just because.
Wish me luck!
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