Struggling

It wasn't really a great weekend at all on the diet front.  I was feeling very down about myself and ended up in a rather lengthy binge/purge session.  Which makes me feel worse and just becomes a big black hole of self pity and loathing.  I have been a purger for so many years now that it is an almost impossible habit to break.  I think I started when  I was 16 so I've been at it on and off for 23 years.

Beyond the giant fail in that way, the weekend was just okay.  I was in a miserable mood for most of it and just wanted to be left alone.  That is not something that is possible when you have a family so I just spent lots of time being very quiet.  We did manage to have some fun all together so that was nice.  We went to Value Village to drop off a bunch of boxes of things we no longer need or want in the house.  We managed to come home with only a few books and some work clothes for me so that was nice too.  We then all went as a family to get groceries.  This is never a good plan as the Hubs adds many things to the basket that are not on the list and blows the budget. 

I have been feeling very stressed out at work to top it all off.  We have a tight schedule for this project we are working on and it's getting close to not working out.  There is plenty of pressure from the higher ups to make it work out and I take plenty of that onto myself as this is my pet project.  I know I cannot be responsible for the whole thing but I feel that it's on my shoulders and it's working me up.

Top all of that off with Hubs job unhappiness and resulting search for new work and I am just a ball of nerves. 

Tonight we have soccer for Bear and she is very excited.  Hopefully we can find the field without too much hassle.  It's a new one for us and should be near our house but I have never been there before.